Freedom. It comes at a price. But isn't that a driving force for us to put value in things? The higher the cost, the greater the value. Talking to a coworker this morning about the free showing of The Chornicles of Narnia my old church sponsored on Saturday night, we agreed that the quality of the movie doesn't matter much when it's free (not to say that film was a bust, on the contrary). But if you've plopped down $30 for a couple of tickets and some snacks, and the film fails to entertain, then you feel slighted. And so it is with joy in my life. It has cost me much, causing me to cleave to it with everything I am.
These last few years, I have had no freedom. Hope alluded me, so all I had was today. At the end of everyday, I was grateful that He gave me the strength to make it through, and sometimes I even had the occasion to smile. But what about tomorrow or the next day? I did not believe His mercies were new every morning, at least not for me. I did have faith in God, though. But how, you ask, can you have faith but no hope? In trying to reconcile the two, the Lord has reintroduced to me the way He loves me...at a high price, without question, and just as much tomorrow as He does today.
"When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." Job 23:9-10
Suddenly I can pray without worrying about God refusing to hear me. I'm excited to be awoken before my alarm Sunday morning to worship the Lord with my church community. And the Word? It's alive again. Guess there was a good reason He kept those words in my heart all this time.
It's good to be home.
