I remember being graciously asked to forgive someone whom God had brought to a momentous point of revelation as to how he had wronged me. From this retrospective perch, I can applaud the process, citing the brave humility it must have taken for him to apologize and seek absolution. But my memory reminds me that I wasn't quite ready to let him off the hook at the time. Granted, I wasn't in a position to withhold anything tangible or even my friendship or attention from him, but I would not let go of the forgiveness he sought. At the time, my intentions felt practically noble, wrapped up in a warped sense of self-preservation, because my healing had nothing to do with him. But today, that so called guarding sounds selfish. Ultimately he requested something I could hold over his head, and I greedily held onto it.
"Watch yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4
When I read Jesus' command to his disciples to freely give grace, it saddens me to think back at all the times my heart created undeserved situations of bondage over others. I missed the "must" in Jesus' reproof. Add in the countless number of times I myself have been forgiven, and I'm not even playing in the same ballpark. So now, as I go back full circle to my musing on when feelings become ungodly, my concern seems moot. I completely missed the mark.
I'm going to go now, hang my head, sigh, and then move forward to look for an opportunity to cut someone loose.
