Surrender

I'm ready. I am so ready to give it all up - the job, the family, and whatever requires effort. I feel spent, like I have no power left to push past the status quo. I don't want to resolve, but I know I should. I don't want to work, but I have to pay the bills. I don't want to run, but there's that pesky race looming. I have no desire to even smile, which if you know me, is a chore in itself (I am not predisposed to pleasant facial expressions). The stress on my face is so apparent that a coworker decided to write my resignation letter for me. With a few slight amendments, I think it will be good to go.

Mark,

As the quarter is rapidly coming to a close and review time not far behind, I am thinking about my next position in TTC. My 2-year tour of duty, and believe me it has been a war, will come to a close soon – just in time for Christmas. For most people time flies, but for me I feel 10 years older.

Let’s consider the Annie before and after I (under duress you will recall) took this insane production management job.

Before: Happy, young, well-liked, actually had time to golf.
After: Happy (now that you can take back your job and shove it), sprouted at least 2 gray hairs per week for the last 104 weeks, people try and hide when seeing me come, and I’m lucky to be able to still spell “golf.” Not to mention that I know Rita on a professional level way more than I ever wanted.

Remind me again why you thought this was a good idea? This is not my-bad; I think it is your-bad.

So you have had 2 years to think about this. What do you think?

Ms. Annie B. Chang,
ENGINEER, formally production mgr.

What a terrible feeling of listlessness. It's exactly what I preach against at the office, and yet here I am, sucked into the quagmire of mediocrity. I would look for the root cause of this newfound apathy, but then that would take energy.

"It will be like a hungry man dreaming that he is eating, only to awaken and find that his stomach is empty. It will be like a thirsty man dreaming that he is drinking, only to awaken and find that he is still weak and his thirst unquenched." Isa 29:8