Big Shot

Why is it that we feel a universal sense of needing to be in control? The more in control we feel, the more secure and confident we are. And the less at the healm we are, the more anxious and nervous we feel. Sometimes, though, I am scared that that feeling of being in control is a false purveyor of confidence. Perhaps we have such a kindergarten understanding of the situation that we lose the need to take careful, hesitant, and intentional forward steps.

So what should we do when things are out of control? Should we revel in our weakness in faith that the Lord is in the proverbial driver's seat? Or should we be ever more fastidious in securing every strap of our often ill-equipped backpacks?

The Lord has brought me to an interesting place in my life. By the world's standards, it would say that I married later in life, but in retrospect, I think I...er, God...was right on time. I had a lot of maturing to do, so I doubt my marriage would be this good so far, had we pulled the trigger years ago. I did do my share of vying for the steering wheel, the gas pedal, and the gear shifter on the way here, though. But all it did was make me a crazy Asian driver who caused more than one fender bender along the way.

These days I feel less ill at ease being a passenger. With my career in question, the stress of more home ownership looming, and an alien knocking half my internal organs around, it almost feels normal to have lost sight of the reins. My perspective on where I am in the car has dimmed, as evidenced by my recent trip to urgent care to be rehydrated after a bout of gastroenteritis precluded even water from staying down. Three weeks of subsequent infections, a bland, restricted diet, bleeding, and numerous calls and trips to my friendly neighborhood physicians certainly would have sent me into a downward spiral of hopelessness. But surprisingly, my pilot provided more than enough peanuts and beverages on the trip to put me at ease. What a blessing to know the outcome won't even be close to the nightmarish ending my little brain conjured up while I was in terrible pain.

My curiosity still would prefer to know how the author wants this story to play out. But I'm okay not knowing all the details just yet.